• A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep.
    W H Auden

      American-English poet - Died 1973

  • Many things - such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly - are done worst when we try hardest to do them.
    C S Lewis

      British writer - Died 1963

  • Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pant-less when your baby walks around pant-less.
    Tina Fey

      American actress and comedian

  • I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
    Ernest Hemingway

      American journalist and writer - Died 1961

  • I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.
    Jim Loy

      Former US Secretary of Homeland Security

  • Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
    Ray Romano

      American comedian

  • Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
    Dave Barry

      American author

  • There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.
    Mindy Kaling

      American comedian

  • Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.
    John Ciardi

      American poet - Died 1986

  • I'm going to bed really means "I'm going to lie in my bed and go on my phone".
    Unknown Author


  • The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.
    Wilson Mizener

      American playwright and entrepreneur - Died 1933

  • I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today.
    George Foreman

      Former American boxer and media personality

  • If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
    Henny Youngman

      English-American comedian - Died 1998

  • The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.
    Woody Allen

      American director, actor, and comedian

  • Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
    George Carlin

      American comedian - Died 2008