A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Women are cursed, and men are the proof.
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
Relationships are basically just two people constantly asking each other what they want to eat, until one of them dies.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
When I want to end a relationship I just say, "You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends.