• Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
    George Carlin

      American comedian - Died 2008

  • They call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
    George Carlin

      American comedian - Died 2008

  • I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam.
    George Carlin

      American comedian - Died 2008

  • One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
    George Carlin

      American comedian - Died 2008

  • Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
    George Carlin

      American comedian