We're inundated with motivational quotes, but often real motivation lies in humor. We have put together the best 101 funny quotes we have come across in 2019.

In our list are quotes from the past and present, some dating back to the US Founding Fathers.

Funny quotes don't always have to be about jokes. They're often a commentary on the ridiculousness of real-life.

We have found the best funny quotes are those who mock humanity and the stupidity or insecurity we human beings live with daily.

Below you'll find the most popular sub-categories of funny quotes. Click the link below each one to view the entire archive of each sub-category.

If you like this list, please show some love by sharing our content. You can also subscribe to our newsletter for new and exclusive quote content.

Here is our 101st and favorite funny quote for 2019:

101. When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST," and move on.

Molly Weis

Page Contents

Funny Inspirational Quotes

1. There are no traffic jams along the 'extra mile.'

Roger Staubach

2. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Jerry Seinfeld

3. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Groucho Marx

4. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

Dalai Lama

5. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

Unknown Author

6. People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, nei­ther does bathing. That's why we recommend it daily.

Zig Ziglar

7. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Will Rogers

8. The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

Steve Jobs

9. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Thomas Edison

10. Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

Josh Billings

Funny Quotes About Life

Funny Steven Wright Quote

11. If at first, you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Steven Wright

12. Change is not a four-letter word, but often your reaction to it is.

Jeffery Gitomer

13. Age is not important unless you're cheese.

Billie Burke

14. Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

Unknown Author

15. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Sir Winston Churchill

16. Everybody wishes they could go to heaven, but no one wants to die.

Unknown Author

17. Doesn't expecting the unex­pected make the unexpected expected?

Unknown Author

18. When nothing goes right, Go left.

Un­known Author

19. The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

George Carlin

20. I wish my book of life was written in pencil… There are a few pages I would like to erase.

Un­known Author

Funny Work Quotes

21. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he were smarter.

John Gotti

22. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Edgar Bergen

23. A consultant is a man who knows 157 ways to make love but doesn't know any women.

Unknown Author

24. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Charles Lamb

25. Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Oscar Wilde

26. Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.

Robert Benchley

27. If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play, and Z is keeping your mouth shut.

Albert Einstein

28. Personally, I have nothing against work, particularly when performed, quietly and unobtrusively, by some­ one else.

Barbara Ehrenreich

29. No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Groucho Marx

30. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine your­self without one.

Oscar Wilde

Funny Love Quotes

31. Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.

Oscar Wilde

32. Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Ambrose Bierce

33. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

34. Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.

Jules Renard

35. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Pauline Thomason

36. Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is in­ evitably disappointed.

Albert Einstein

37. Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the an­swer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.

Woody Allen

38. Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.

Oscar Wilde

39. If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

Lily Tomlin

40. Love is a sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

Jewish Proverb

Funny Relationship Quotes

41. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield

42. Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.

Roseanne Barr

43. A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright.

Lucille Ball

44. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Richard Jeni

45. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Woody Allen

46. I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

47. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.

Henry Youngman

48. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

Sharon Stone

49. The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons, they let you play softball on the weekends.

Bobby Kelton

50. I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Funny Friendship Quotes

51. When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you, saying, "Damn, that was fun."

Groucho Marx

52. A good friend will help you move, but a true friend will help you move a body.

Steven J. Daniels

53. Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.

Otto von Bismarck

54. You friends will believe in your potential; your enemies will make you live up to it.

Tim Fargo

55. I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

Oscar Wilde

56. There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

Benjamin Franklin

57. Few friendships would survive if each one knew what his friend says of him behind his back.

Blaise Pascal

58. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

George Carlin

59. A blow from your friend is better than a kiss from your enemy.


60. I bet dying vultures have lots of awkward moments with their friends.

Guy Endore-Kaiser

Funny School Quotes

61. People learn something every day, and a lot of times, it's that what they learned the day before was wrong.

Bill Vaughan

62. Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.

Albert Einstein

63. Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught.

Oscar Wilde

64. Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Fran Lebowitz

65. The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to school.

Milton Berle

66. If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.

Edgar Watson Howe

67. The Founding Fathers, in their wisdom, decided that children were an unnatural strain on parents. So they provided jails called schools, equipped with tortures called an education.

John Updike

68. In grade school, I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.

David Spade

69. In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Mark Twain

70. Education costs money, but then so does ignorance.

Claus Moser

Funny Sleep Quotes

71. People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

Leo J Burke

72. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

Anthony Burgess

73. They call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.

George Carlin

74. Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.

Charles M Schulz

75. Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.

Albert Camus

76. If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Henny Youngman

77. Those who snore always fall asleep first.

Unknown Author

78. I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today.

George Foreman

79. I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

Ernest Hemingway

80. The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.

Wilson Mizener

Funny Family Quotes

81. As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Buddy Hackett

82. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

83. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.

Will Ferrell

84. You can't choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.

Unknown Author

85. Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would intro­duce him to would be my family.

Chelsea Handler

86. If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that "Members not Present" and "Subjects Dis­cussed" were one and the same.

Robert Brault

87. Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.

Wayne Huizenga

88. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns

89. Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Cary Grant

90. Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl - no superior alternative has yet been found.

Winston Churchill

Funny Religious Quotes

91. The number of followers you have doesn't make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions; Jesus had 12.

Unknown Author

92. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

Billy Sunday

93. The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

G K Chesterton

94. Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out, and your dog would go in.

Mark Twain

95. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

Robert Orben

96. I'd rather live my whole life assuming there is a God, only to find out that there isn't than to live my whole life assuming there isn't a God, only to find out there is.

Peter Barry

97. You talk to God; you're religious. God talks to you; you're psychotic.

Doris Egan

98. I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.

Mahatma Gandhi

99. On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park.

Curtis MacDougall

100. Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.