Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State… These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam.
They call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.